Everything You Ever Needed To Know About Raising God-Fearing Kids!

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Click to ViewPlanning For Children
Click to ViewThe Bible And Disciplining Of Children
Click to ViewThe father who wouldn't discipline his children
Click to ViewThings To Avoid
Click to ViewThings To Do
Click to ViewDifferent Methods Of Disciplining
Click to ViewSuggested Procedure For Disciplining
Click to ViewParticular Sins To Look Out For
Click to ViewBattlegrounds
Click to ViewYour Child's Teacher: The Third Parent
Click to ViewSpiritual training and influence of example
Click to ViewPoem to our children

The Parent's Pledge poem:

Children are a heritage of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is His reward. A teacher's certificate I do not need. If I ask for wisdom God gives it liberally. To teach our children is not a chore. God's commandments we adore. We'll write His words upon their hearts and never from them will they depart. and when they go through this life, wondering what path to take, if they will do all in the name of the Lord, he will never forsake. The parents of this generation and generations to come will sing praises to the Lord for the great works He has done. And remember each day as we teach His way, God seeks a godly offspring.(By Mary Morr)


A. Parents are entrusted with a soul of great value: Mt 16:26.

B. Paradox of parenthood:

1. Dentists, doctors and layers go to school for 7 years; Specialists for 10 years.

2. Parenting is far more important and has little formal training.

3. About the time we have the experience, we are out of business.

C. Children will ultimately be responsible for their own eternal destinies; Ezek 18:20.

1. God has ordained that children are to be obedient and respectful:Eph.6:1-3;Col3:20; Prov. 4:1.

2. Children have the responsibility to serve God without any parental help:Eccl 12:1; Ps 119:9-16.

3. Children reap what they sow: Gal.6:7,8; Prov. 4:1-27.

4. Yet, parents will answer for failure to train their children: Eph 6:4.

D. The home is testing ground for elders; forms basis of ultimate example: 1 Tim 3:4-5

E. It is possible to guarantee a child will grow up righteous:

1. Train a child when young...old not depart. Prov 22:6

2. Qualification of elder is raise believing children, Qualifications are not by chance. Tit 1:5-6.

F. Time is short

  1. If child doesn't respect and fear authority by age 2, there are big troubles ahead!
  2. A child's basic character is entrenched by age 6.

G. Training children involves three things: positive instruction, example and discipline.

I. Planning For Children:

A. Openly discuss having children with your spouse, even before marriage:

1. Often one spouse can tend to avoid the subject, this is poor communication.

B. Having Children will not resolve marital conflict only highten it.

C. Wait a period of time after marriage to allow for adjustments: Duet 24:5.

D. Are you financially able to provide for a family: 1 Ti 5:8.

II. The Bible And Disciplining Of Children:

Exercise: Read each verse and fill in the important part of the text in blank space

A. General Proverbs About Correction And Reproof: Prov 3:12; Prov 10:17; Prov 12:1; Prov 15:10; Prov 15:12; Prov 15:32; Prov 27:5; Prov 29:1; Prov 20:30; Eccl 7:5; Mt 18:15-17; 1 Cor 4:21; Heb 12:5-13

    1. "For whom the Lord loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights." Proverbs 3:12
    2. "He is on the path of life who heeds instruction, But he who ignores reproof goes astray." Proverbs 10:17
    3. " Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid." Proverbs 12:1
    4. "Grievous punishment is for him who forsakes the way; He who hates reproof will die." Proverbs 15:10
    5. "A scoffer does not love one who reproves him, He will not go to the wise." Proverbs 15:12
    6. "He who neglects discipline despises himself, But he who listens to reproof acquires understanding." Proverbs 15:32
    7. "Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed." Proverbs 27:5
    8. " A man who hardens his neck after much reproof Will suddenly be broken beyond remedy." Proverbs 29:1
    9. "Stripes that wound scour away evil, And strokes reach the innermost parts." Proverbs 20:30
    10. "It is better to listen to the rebuke of a wise man Than for one to listen to the song of fools." Ecclesiastes 7:5
    11. " "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." Matthew 18:15-17
    12. "What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness?" 1 Corinthians 4:21
    13. "and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Nor faint when you are reproved by Him; For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges every son whom He receives." It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed." Hebrews 12:5-13

B. Proverbs Especially For Parents: Prov 13:24; Prov 19:18; Prov 22:6; Prov 22:15; Prov 23:13-14; Prov 29:15; Prov 29:17; Eph 6:4

    1. "He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently." Proverbs 13:24
    2. "Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death." Proverbs 19:18
    3. "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
    4. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him." Proverbs 22:15
    5. "Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol." Proverbs 23:13-14
    6. "The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother." Proverbs 29:15
    7. "Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul." Proverbs 29:17
    8. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

C. Proverbs Especially For Children: Prov 1:8-9; Prov 13:1; Prov 15:5; Prov 23:22; Prov 28:7; Prov 30:11; Eccl 12:1; Eph 6:1-4; Col 3:21; 1 Tim 5:4; Deut 21:18-21; Prov 30:17; Lev 20:9; Ex 21:15

    1. " Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching; Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head And ornaments about your neck." Proverbs 1:8-9
    2. " A wise son accepts his father's discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke." Proverbs 13:1
    3. "A fool rejects his father's discipline, But he who regards reproof is sensible." Proverbs 15:5
    4. "Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old." Proverbs 23:22
    5. "He who keeps the law is a discerning son, But he who is a companion of gluttons humiliates his father." Proverbs 28:7
    6. "There is a kind of man who curses his father And does not bless his mother." Proverbs 30:11
    7. " Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, "I have no delight in them";" Ecclesiastes 12:1
    8. " Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4
    9. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart." Colossians 3:21
    10. "but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family and to make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God." 1 Timothy 5:4
    11. ""If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown. "They shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.' "Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear." Deuteronomy 21:18-21
    12. "The eye that mocks a father And scorns a mother, The ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the young eagles will eat it." Proverbs 30:17
    13. "'If there is anyone who curses his father or his mother, he shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother, his bloodguiltiness is upon him." Leviticus 20:9
    14. ""He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death." Exodus 21:15

III. The Bible father who wouldn't discipline his children:

A. Eli and his two sons:

B. Their sin: 1 Sam 2:12-17,22

C. Eli's reaction: 1 Sam 2:23-25,29

1. Words only, no action

2. By this time it was too late! The battle was lost when they were 4-6 years old

D. God's judgment; 1 Sam 2:34; 3:11-14

1. "He did not rebuke them"

IV. Things To Avoid:

A. Favoritism: Who's the favorite kid or parent?

1. Jacob and Joseph: Gen 37:3-4

2. NT teaching: Jas 2:1,6,7

B. Emphasizing externals rather than Character:

1. Achievement oriented rather than character oriented: 1 Sam 15:22-23

2. Focusing of outward beauty, clothing & jewelry vs. inward spirit: 1 Sam 16:6-7; 1 Pet 3:3-4

3. More concerned with scholastic achievement than with behavior and social skills

C. Bad friends and playmates will create problems in your child: 1 Cor 15:33

D. Fully sheltering them from the world and all evil influence: 1 Cor 5:9-10

E. Failing to take into consideration that children are not adults:

1. Disciplining for things that are typical of their age but very frustrating to parents:

a) 1 Cor 13:11 "spoke, thought and reasoned as a child" Children are children!

b) Children often do things that are foolish because they are irresponsible and immature.

c) Examples:

(1) Spilling grape juice on the white rug

(2) Getting crayon on the table when they missed the page, paint faces

(3) Not having a deep, quiet conversation with the neighbors 4 year old!

2. Giving too much or too little responsibility or freedom:

a) The process from cradle to adulthood is a series of small increases of responsibility

b) Too much: children tend to feel neglected and uncared for...and get themselves in trouble

(1) Jesus & Paul understood the limits of spiritual children: Jn 16:12-13; 1 Cor 3:1-2

(2) Age 2-3 can handle 2 different commandments at one time; 4-5 about 3; 6-8 about 4

c) Too little: Teens feel resentful and will rebel

F. Making threats that are unreasonable and you know you won't carry through with:

1. "I'll ground you for 6 months if you don't clean up your room today"

G. Losing your temper or yell at them insanely: Eph 5:26; Jas 1:19; Prov 15:18

H. Do not interfere when your spouse disciplines:

1. When punished, children will run to the other parent's lap for a hug and comfort.

a) The child is manipulating this parent and the hug tells the child the other parent was wrong

b) Do not hug the child until after the child has reconciled with the parent who disciplined

2. Parents must be aware of this and work together.

3. Arguing in front of the kids gives mixed signals and erodes their confidence in both parents

4. Two heads are better then one, take each others viewpoint into consideration, be humble

5. Give more weight to the parent who is not involved in the heat of the problem directly.

I. Never differ over discipline with spouse in front of the children: Mk 3:25

J. Being too critical: you can break the child's "spirit" and cause depression: Col 3:21

1. Children at 8, for example tend to already be self-critical

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V. Things To Do:

A. Have a clear set of rules and boundaries the child fully knows and understands

1. Interestingly, transgression is going outside of God's boundaries.

2. Enlist the help of each partner to make the boundaries. Agree upon them.

3. Revise your boundaries year by year with age.

4. Communicate each child's boundaries with (ie.) grandparents to prevent some problems

5. Establish specific penalties for specific violations: (ie. Any lying=instant spanking)

6. Children feel more secure when they have clearly defined bounderies

B. Choose a penalty that fits the crime to bring results : "Crime doesn't pay!"

1. God punishes more severely if we knew something was wrong and how accountable we are:

a) Lk 12:47-48; Mk 12:38-40; Mt 11:21-24; 2 Pe 2:20-21

b) Discipline more severely for repeat offences

c) Do discipline for first time acts but less severely

2. God will punish some sins more severely than others:

a) OT Law: Adultery-death; (Lev 18:20)

b) OT Law: Stealing-restitution 2 times (Ex 22:4)

C. Give a show of love equal to the magnatude of the chosen punishment:

1. Give them a big hug and kiss and tell them you love them after all is finished!

2. Express you love them, "Why does daddy discipline you?" "Because you love me"

3. Children can endure difficult periods of correction when there is love expressed

D. Use a wide variety of disciplining methods:

1. Don't be afraid to spank when necessary.

(Every child on earth has needed at least one good spanking!)

2. Be creative, think of new methods that will be effective.

E. Correct immediately, but not out of anger or frustration

F. Be consistent, Repeat offenses dealt with similarly

G. Follow through with what you said:

1. "You'll be grounded for a day if..." You must carry through with what you said otherwise the children learn your words are hollow and without credibility.

H. Discipline should produce sorrow for doing the deed

1. There is a difference of sorrow for getting caught and sorrow for committing: 2 Cor 7:8-10

I. Carefully explain why the child is being disciplined both before and after!

This ensures the child knows exactly why punished and reinforces through repetition

J. Always relate the problem to what Jesus thinks and what the Bible says about it

1. Ask them what Biblical passages apply?

K. Admit to a child who was unjustly punished that you were wrong in doing so!

1. Parents do make mistakes, sometimes you are forced to decide between two children's different versions of the same story.

2. When you admit you wrongly disciplined unjustly, the child already knows! Admission will create love and respect. Failure to admit will cause bitterness and rebellion

L. Both parents should periodically discuss each child's development!

1. identify specific problems and implement specific plans to combat

M. When there is a conflict in stories between your child and an adult...trust the adult

N. Instill a general respect for all adults, especially their teachers and neighbors

Don't "childproof" your child into disrespecting adult stangers- accept no candy but respect!

VI. Different Methods Of Disciplining:

A. Verbal warning or scolding: Minor crimes, first time offenses

B. Isolation: Stand in corner; sit on a chair; send to room; grounding

C. Withdrawal of privileges: something that they wanted...something that hurts!

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D. Imposition of work:

1. punishment that teaches, value of work, responsibility

2. Most children have excessive play time and not enough work time.

3. Great release for summer boredom.

E. Martial discipline or spanking

1. Do not use your hand, but an inanimate object like a wooden spoon, paddle or leather belt.

a) Child should not cringe every time you raise your hand to scratch your ear.

2. Determine exactly how many times you will spank then tell the child.

3. Privately determine how hard you will spank, (no need to tell the child).

4. Do not hit the child anywhere but the fatty behind area, (Do not hit on back or legs).

a) Have the child lie over a chair or bed or lay on top of bed.

5. Generally, a spanking should not leave any marks that persist for more than a few hours.

6. If the child will not co-operate tell them you will add 1 more spank, then follow through.

7. Count out the spanks as you give them.

8. The child will cry, but children are fully capable of crying within control.

a) Wild screaming should not be tolerated but is their way of fighting back and rebelling.

b) Tell them they must not make a lot of noise, (Tell them if they want to scream, they can to scream into a pillow to muffle the sound.)

c) If they will not co-operate, but insist on screaming wildly, warn them before that if they do scream in this manner, you will spank them again. (make sure you follow through).

VII. Suggested Procedure For Disciplining:

A. Determine exactly what the child did

B. Get the child to admit to the deed: (Double punishment if they lie)

1. Discipline is only really effective when the child understands that certain actions are wrong.

C. Get the child to admit they knew it was wrong:

1. Right and wrong is what mommy, daddy, grandparents, teachers and God says.

D. Ask them why they did it

E. Choose a method of discipline that fits the crime and will bring about repentance:

F. Ask them: "If you were a daddy how would you discipline yourself right now?

1. This helps them to clearly see the problem

G. Impose the discipline

H. afterward, ask them again why they were disciplined

I. always reconcile with a big hug and tell them you love them

VIII. Particular Sins To Look Out For:

A. Willful rebellion and disobedience

B. Lying

C. Stealing

D. Dirty looks, scowling at parent

E. Talking back

F. Whining and pouting when disciplined: this is a sign that the child has not repented

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IX. Battlegrounds:

A. Going to bed:

1. Get the child to agree beforehand what time they will go to bed

2. Set an time clock for young children. Set clock for 15 minutes, "bell means bedtime"

B. The dinner table:

1. Avoid serving them foods they won't like; Tastes develop with age.

2. Generally children will eat as much as they need.

a) Perhaps you put an adult helping on their plate, if you are worried that they are not getting fed enough make them eat as many bites as they are old. young children love this!

b) Get them to serve themselves with the understanding they eat what they take.

c) If they only eat a little, they won't starve by morning.

3. Cut out all snacks, candy & soft drinks after 2PM, these curb appetites:

a) If they say they are not hungry at supper, snacks have curbed their appetite.

b) Then at 7PM "I'm hungry". They really are hungry.

4. Make rule, "Don't finish dinner, no food till morning". (they won't starve, but might remember)

C. Getting up in the morning:

1. Check to see if they are going to bed at a proper time. (bedtime schedule chart)

2. Lack of self discipline

D. Doing chores and Cleaning up their room:

1. Don't pay them for work, expect them to do it as part of their duty

E. Bathing and brushing teeth: Usually need to be told repeatedly-they outgrow

F. Television:

1. Make a rule they are only allowed to watch approved shows that are taped on VCR

2. This cuts out commercials that are often bad and cuts viewing time by 20%

X. Your Child's Teacher: The Third Parent

A. Your child's teacher spends same time with your child than you do, 5 days a week!

B. Teachers are able to see your child out of the home environment (the acid test)

1. Your child's true behavior and conduct is seen at school

2. Problems at home become most evident at school

C. Make specific inquiries about your child's behavior and believe what you hear

D. Treat them like a third parent:

1. Work with teachers, support all their disciplining as you would your spouse's

2. Children must know you will abide by their teachers decisions and judgments

3. If a child knows you are at odds with teacher: same problem as parent (rebellion)

XII. Spiritual training and influence of example

A. We need to give them spiritual training: 2 Tim 3:15; Deut 6:6-9.

1. Daily Bible reading and prayer before bed or before school.

2. Weekly devotionals with singing, Bible study and prayer in home.

B. Training children involves three things: positive instruction, example and discipline.

1. A lesson on honesty falls flat when child hears dad lie to get out of ticket.

2. Hypocrisy obvious when dad sleeps through sermons then say, "good lesson preacher".

3. Child hears gossip and slander in back seat of car on the way home from church.

4. No wonder children grow up saying, "My parents forced me to go and I don't have to now".

C. Some sins of the parent are transmitted to the children: Num 14:18

1. Alcoholism & smoking, physical and sexual abuse, poor work ethic, "the cycle of poverty" Spiritual indifference


A. Parents who use the Bible's standard of discipline will be much better off in the end:

1. Good children do not just happen; they're the result of careful cultivation. Isaiah 54:13.

B. Poem:


Ps 127:3-6

Your children are not your children,

They are the sons and daughters

Of life's longing for itself;

They come through you but not from you

And though they are with you,

They belong not to you;

You may give them your love

But not your thoughts,

Because they have their own thoughts;

You may house their bodies,

But not their souls;

Their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

Which you cannot enter,

Not even in your dreams;

You may strive to be like them

But seek not to make them like you;

For life goes not backwards

Nor tarries with yesterday;

Your are the bow from which your children

As living arrows are sent forth;

Let the bending in the archer's hand be for gladness

A Parent


Steve Rudd

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