Everything You Ever Needed To Know About Raising God-Fearing Kids!
Father's are critically important to normal development of children. Single parent families headed by women are an engine for social decay.
Why School shootings? Littleton and others: Thought you won't find in the newspapers!
Daddy, How much do you make? Touching story of a boy and his dad!
Daddy, Please attend church with us! Touching Poem and a chart that maps the effect Fathers have on their children.
Father Still Knows Best!
In an age where the media and Hollywood work hard to make fathers look stupid, evil and incompetent, we need to take a second look at Ward Clever!
The Cleavers were a positive role model for the family. Compare them to families that are highlighted in today's TV programs.
"When my wife calls me Ward, I consider it as a more important compliment then when she calls me Clark! Its better to be a super dad, then merely a super man."
The Fatherhood Cycle:
4 years: "My Daddy can do anything."
7 years: "My Dad knows a lot, a whole lot."
12 years: "Oh, well - naturally - Father doesn't know that either."
14 years: "Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned."
21 years: "Oh, that man is so out-of-date. What did you expect?"
25 years: "He knows a little bit about it - but not much."
30 years: "Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks."
35 years: "Let's ask Dad what he would do before we make a decision."
40 years: "I wonder what Dad would have thought about that? He was pretty smart."
50 years: "My Dad knew absolutely everything."
60 years: "I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss him."
1. Multitude of books on parenting, new buzz word for parent's job.
a. Usually based on atheistic, anti-Christian presuppositions
(Skinnerian behaviorism and/or Rogerian potentialism).
b. Called Christian. Usually result of training in atheistic methodology (only ideas available from accredited institutions).
2. Bible has all the answers, divine wisdom, I Pet.1:3.
a. Not only totally sufficient but far superior to man's wisdom.
b. No objection to Bible teachers teaching God's wisdom or writing them down in a book, but should ask two questions.
1. Is this "wisdom" contrary to the Bible?
2. Is this "wisdom" in the Bible? (If no, them not wise.)
I. PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY - FATHERS, Eph.6:4.
A. Why? Fathers responsible as overseers.
1. Doesn't eliminate mothers, II Tim.1:5; Tit.2:3-5.
2. Mothers operate under father's authority.
B. Fathers have direct, personal responsibility to teach.
II. NEGATIVE-DO NOT "PROVOKE," Eph.6:4.
1. Cf. Col.3:21, exasperate, lose heart, take wind out of sails; Cause child to give up, "What's the use?" "Why bother?"
2. Occasion of exasperation usually unscriptural discipline (Skinner, Dobson). Different from "tr. & adm. of the Lord"
(which sometimes results in anger when heart is hardened)s.
B. Begin (as scripture does) with what "tr. & admo. of Lord" is not.
1. Under discipline (the primary problem).
a. Unannounced rules. Made known only after broken.
Contrast beginning of covenants, Eden, Israel.
Heat of battle is no time to make rules.
b. Inconsistent rules, change from day to day,
enforced at parent's whim. Like trying to play baseball when rules changed each day. Exasperating.
(Today, child picks flower for mommy w/muddy feet. OK. Tomorrow, rebellious disrespectful, but no punishment??)
c. Why do parents keep moving boundaries?
Lazy. Must work at discipline. Purpose, plan.
Expect immediate results (instant coffee, minute rice).Try 2 or 3 days and see no change. Establishing new patterns takes 2 or 3 weeks.
d. Young people want rules; to know limits, what to expect.
e. Suggestion: Write out rules. Cf. God's "tr. and admo." Written on stone. Can read, re-read, remind, confirm.
2. Failing to follow through (destroys the effort).
Cf. "tr. & admo. of Lord" on Israel. Promised to destroy.
3. Too many rules (another form of under discipline).
Sounds like over discipline but from practical view, it is not.Would have to turn into policeman and spend all time investigating & enforcing. Usually don't, can't. Result- simply don't enforce. Dilutes force of all.
a. How many Commandments?; In Garden of Eden?
b. Make a few well thought out rules ahead of time.
Write them out. Give all a copy. Both rule & punishment.
4. Divided authority.
Husband & wife disagree. One wants thunderbolts. The other thinks unfair & intervenes. Chaos & confusion.
a. Children astute enough to take advantage.
b. Wife must submit. Vital for her to show respect.
c. Should be worked out ahead of time, before infraction.
d. Perhaps 2 families in same home, grandparents more permissive. Cannot be allowed. Cf. Eph.5:31.
C. Over Discipline.
1. Usually reactionary. Results in pendulum thinking. Permissiveness is bad, opposite extreme is also bad and exasperating, provokes to anger.
a. Dad determines to be head so polishes up uniform swinging nightstick. Arbitrary, flaunting of authority. Brandishing authority for its own sake.
b. "Tr. & adm. of Lord" uses God's word as standard. God's
commands not burdensome, I Jn.5:3. Why should ours be?
Don't need to use sledge hammers to drive thumb tacks.
2. Punishment should be appropriate.
a. Example: Disrespectful "back talk" is a sin, Eph.6:2. Yet over discipline may discourage not just back talk but all talk, vital communication. Usually should discuss problems, give explanation given with respect.
b. When refused access again & again, "What's the use?" "I'll talk to someone else." Must distinguish between back talk (silenced) & communication (encouraged). How? Study proper attitude. Bible examples. Take time to listen. Pray for wisdom.
3. Totally negative approach. Cf. "terrible two's" No!, No!, No!
a. Some make a federal case of everything and every word spoken to child is negative.
b. Negatives call attention to selves. Positives often overlooked, expected, normal, therefore unnoticed.
c. Takes conscious effort to be aware. Lord's disciple includes words of encouragement. Cf. Rev.2:2-3, 4.
Express gratefulness, appreciation. "You have really been doing that job well. I appreciate it."
4. Prolonged torturous prohibitions of privileges. Immediate physical punishment much more merciful. Ask children. Rather get it over with. Contrast in doghouse for week. Reminded over and over for one infraction. Fair?
III. POSITIVE-DISCIPLINE & INSTRUCTION, EPH.6:4.
A. First word, "discipline,"or "training."
1. Means training with structure; discipline with teeth; training with positive goal in mind, backed up with the rod.
2. "Discipline of Lord" includes chastening, Heb.12:5-6.
3. Rod is Biblical, Prov.13:24; 19:18 KJ; 23:13, 14; 29:15.
4. Prov.22:6, "Will not depart." Is not a promise. Cf. Footnote.
It is a warning! Cf. Prov.29:15. Prov.22:6 per footnote.
5. Misconception: "Never discipline in anger." Where in Bible? Eph.4:26. From man, not God. "Non judgmental."
6. Contrast the Lord's training and admonition, Ps.7:11; II Sam.22:8-9; Isa.30:27, Num.12:9-10; Jer.7:20.
B. Second Word-"admonition" or "instruction."
1. Involves seeing something wrong and verbally confronting with God's word; touching heart with divine responsibility.
2. Factor that separates admonition of the Lord from training of behaviorist, as dog or pigeon. Our goal not just behavior; roll over; get newspaper in teeth. They speak of rewards but as method of manipulation. No respect for image of God in child or H.S.'s work on heat through word.
3. "Admonition" convicts child of sin; brings to repentance; teaches divine obligation to choose the right choice; cultivates a tender conscience, a noble heart. Motivates not only with rod but also with the cross.
4. Involves bringing child from structural discipline to self discipline, learning to back off and allow child to assumeresponsibilities, "coaching" children in righteousness.
1. A big job. Seems impossible.
2. Divine wisdom reveals what to do, what not to do. Appreciate it.
3. "Tr. & adm. of the Lord," different. Doesn't produce trained seals. Trains with dignity, with respect for soul, individual accountability; responsibility before God to choose.
4. Exercise that responsibility.